The Backslidden Blogger

My friend, Fred Pifer, is concerned about my well being. Fred was my roommate during my last two quarters at Brewton Parker College, in the Winter and Spring of 1985. He is now pastor at the First Baptist Church of Metter. He is also a button man for the Reformed Mafia. Fred is concerned that I haven't been blogging the last couple of months. I got this email from him recently.

From: Fred Pifer <xxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com>
Date: Mar 11, 2008 9:45 AM
Subject: Dude
To: Mike Hardin

Dude, where are you? Looks like you are a backsliding blogger- for shame! Hope everything is well with you. Fred

UPDATE: Fred's email address above is masked. The guy who really chose “xxxxxxxxxx” for his Yahoo! username wants you all to quit instant messaging him.

Well what can I say? Fred is right. I am a backslidden blogger. Why, I bet Fred isn't the only one that has noticed I haven't posted in a while. I'm willing to bet the other person who reads my blog noticed it too, and has just been too nice too say anything (Thanks Mom).

Well considering that in another life Fred was a body builder and worked security for the United States Air Force, I don't think I want to cross him. So I've decided I better come up with some good excuses for not having posted lately. Mind you these are excuses, not actual reasons, and I make no warranty as to their authenticity.

Excuse 1: I have a new Netflix Account

Blogging is a great extra-curricular activity, but it has been replaced by my new Netflix membership. I started a trial membership a couple of months back. I figured I could get the “3 movies at a time plan” for about the same thing we normally spend at Blockbuster in a month. The only problem is that Netflix is like going to the all-you-shouldn't-eat-buffet at Ryan's. You know you should stop eating when your hunger is satiated, but you want to make sure that you get your money's worth before you leave the restaurant. Before Netflix, I might have waited until the weekend to rent a movie. Now when one comes in the mail from Netflix I want to watch it as soon as possible so I can mail it back and get the next one on my list. After all, there are children in China that can't even get DVDs from Netflix.

Excuse 2: The Presidential Primaries are Here

Of course, if I was a political blogger this would be a reason TO blog rather than a reason NOT to blog. But following the Obama/Clinton battle for the Democrat (yes, I know they prefer Democratic) nomination has kept me quite entertained. Although I believe them both to be staunch socialists with disastrous views on foreign policy and national defense, Clinton frightens me much more than Obama. So far, Obama seems to be a relatively honest left-wing wacko commie liberal. Clinton on the other hand will say and do anything to gain and keep power. After all, she stayed with Bill all her life just to get to this point. She had to put up with his lies and power plays and humiliation, and now she believes it's her turn. She's entitled to it. She earned it. So, I find myself watching the primaries and rooting hard for Obama to nose her out for the nomination. Jimmy Carter proved this country can survive a weak left-wing president with a weak democratic congress for four years. But Carter, like Obama, was a relatively honest weak left-wing president. Hillary would be another matter.

Excuse 3: My ADHD is flaring up!

In his book, Driven to Distraction, Ed Hallowell says that Attention Deficit Hyperactiviy Disorder (ADHD) should better be named Attention Inconsistency Hyperactivity Disorder. People like me, who have ADHD, do not in fact have deficient attention spans. As a matter of fact, when we are interested in something we tend to hyperfocus to the point of blocking everything else out. So, when I'm focused on blogging I may post twenty times in a month. When I'm focused on anything else, I may not even remember that I have a blog. Sooner or later my attention will return to the blogs and I'll write like a mad man. Who knows? This post may even be the beginning of that.

In the mean time, I'll at least try to remember to take my ritalin so that I can spread my attention to my various activities out a little more consistently. OK, I don't really take ritalin, I just self medicate with massive amounts of caffeine instead. As a matter of fact, it's time to brew another pot. Of course that brings me to my last excuse....

Excuse 4: I'm too sleepy.

I've known for a long time that I probably have sleep apnea. My snoring shakes the bed so hard that some times it slides to the other side of the room before I wake up. I have caught myself waking up in the middle of the night gasping for air. I'm always sleepy in the middle of the afternoon. As a matter of fact, I've been sleepy in the middle of the afternoon so long I've come to regard it as normal. Recently I started getting headaches every day. I didn't think about the headaches being related to my sleep apnea because I've struggled with migraines since my teens. But then it finally clicked that the headaches were occurring in the early morning hours, an hour or two before my alarm went off. I wondered if hypoxia (too little oxygen, for those of you in Alabama) might be the cause. So I scheduled one of those doctor's appointments where you get to see Marjorie, the nurse practitioner, instead of the doctor.

Marjorie the nurse practitioner thinks it's highly likely that the headaches are related to sleep apnea. She also thinks it is high time I got a formal diagnosis and some treatment, as I need to avoid some of the other side effects, like waking up dead. My sleep study is scheduled for tomorrow night, March 13, in Stockbridge. They say I can bring my own pillows, but not Terri. How am I supposed to sleep without Terri?

All excuses aside, I guess the only real cure for backsliding is repentance. The problem is, as a good reformed theologian like Fred knows, that due to my being a totally depraved blogger, I won't be able to truly repent and return to blogging with regularity until I am convicted and given the gift of repentance from the Lord of the blogs. Sigh, pray for me!