Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert would hardly be considered a Bible thumper, but he has spent a lot of time as a researcher studying what really makes people happy, vs. what we think will make us happy. As a matter of fact, one of the six keys he mentions is going to church, but he says it's not the religion, it's the community. He says you could get the same benefits from a really tight stamp-collecting club. The thing is, there is no stamp-collecting club that shares the type of fellowship a body of believers shares.
The key that struck me the most was the first key, commitment.
People who commit to relationships are much happier than those who don't. That's why married people are happier than those who just live together. When people commit to something that's expensive or difficult to get out of, they report feeling happier. My girlfriend and I had been living together for a dozen years, and those findings seemed so clear to me that I went home and proposed. Now we're married, and I do love my wife more than I loved my girlfriend, even though she's the same person. Commitment isn't just a sign of love; it's a cause. (emphasis mine)The rest of the list?
- Little things: Doing small things that bring you happiness (like taking a walk or talking to your spouse) consistently every day contributes more to your happiness than the big occasional things, like a cruise or Hawaiian vacation.
- Hang in there: When times are tough, hang tough. Time does heal.
- Go to church (or somewhere): I already told you what he says about this one.
- Giving: "[A recent study]" showed that when people were given money to spend, those who spent it on others were happiest. Giving is literally a joy."
- Invest in Experiences: It's the things we do and the people that we do them with, rather than the things we have, that bring us the most joy. Choose the vacation over the new car.
